THE POWER OF "WHAT NEXT?".

Whatever happens to you in life is not the issue; how you react to what happened holds the key to whatever happens to you next. Don't always major on the "why" it happened but narrow down your mind to "what next". You may return later to interrogate the why just to learn from what happened but you have to be alive first before you can learn. Your reactions to anything actually prepares the ground for whatever happens to you after.

Let me share this live story again, I shared it I think about 4 years ago: A married woman in her middle forties came to see me in my office for counseling. The first statement she made crying was "Daddy, my husband has killed me, I am finished, my life is gone".

She hadn't even sat down but I burst out laughing. She got annoyed and accused me of laughing at her because of what she was going through and came to me for advice?" I told her to sit down and asked her, "have you told me yet your reason for being in my office, so how can I be laughing at you for what I don't yet know?" I told her yes, I was laughing not for whatever happened to you but for your naivity that bothers on lack of wisdom.

She asked how? I told her, if you were dead, you won't be here talking with me. She mellowed down. But how did her husband "kill" her? According to her story: few months ago, she started feeling unwell and consistently coughing, all attempts at her getting relieved proved abortive. She finally went to the hospital and her lab test showed she is HIV positive. She came directly from the hospital to see me.

She stretched her hands to give me the result but I told her it was not important and not needed. She got confused and was just staring at me blankly. I left my desk and took her to my small parlour where my wife was watching TV (my office was in my residence) because this was going to be one of those difficult counseling.

Please follow carefully: First, I told her sorry for her new life reality, then I told her the bitter truth: that her dying or surviving this her new unfortunate life reality now depends solely on her. I told her, yes it has just been confirmed that you have HIV but that doesn't mean you are just getting it. It has been in your body for at least few years, it is just that it has started affecting your health which is why you went to hospital. Now that you know, your only survival option is getting your own answer to "what next".

I then gave her some facts that at least one in every one thousand persons in Nigeria has HIV. I asked her what they told her in the hospital, she said they asked her to begin taking anti-retroviral drugs. So I told her "that means you are not the only person having it otherwise there wouldn't be drugs at all. I advised her not to broadcast herself to the world in order not to allow stigmitisation add HBP to her condition. We advised her to tactfully interrogate her husband so that both can commence taking drugs together. That there are certain happenings in marital relationship that must become a secret only between husband and wife which both must keep and die with.

That was five years ago, today they are still happily married together. What am I trying to say? Whatever happened has already happened, there is absolutely nothing you can do. Find how best to manage it, live with it but go on with your life. If you choose not to, you will only be inviting vultures to your life. Among those you are broadcasting to, how many are jealous of you, do you know? Do you know what they are hiding from you? Who doesn't have serious life issues? Talk only to people you know are matured and wise enough to assist you and won't televise your misfortunes.

Please for whatever that jas happensed, always learn to ask "what next?". This simple question to yourself holds the key to your overcoming whatever life challenge that confronts you or the challenge resulting in you foreclosing on your life. Never agree to die before you die.

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